We’ve all been through it. The moment after graduation, a breakup, leaving a job with no backup plan, or moving back home in anticipation of something new — when a chapter closes before another exists. Like binge-watching your comfort Netflix show through all seven seasons, only to reach the finale and sit there thinking: what now?

Stage 1: Post-transition blues

It’s an adrenaline crash. Familiarity breeds safety, and without it, you doubt your life choices that are now based on a foggy future. I mastered this feeling well as I had to give up multiple temporary lives I’ve built for me to transition to the next level; from finishing my studies, doing an internship or coming back home after travelling. I would get lovingly envious comments like, “You’re living your best life.” But here is the thing: that life was amazing, thrilling, temporary and not mine to keep.

Every home I have loved, friends I have made, fleeting romances and an alter ego version of myself I have come to be, I had to let go of only to find myself back in a childhood bedroom, scared to transition back to an older version of myself that I have outgrown beyond recognition.

Stage 1: Reflection

My first proper post-transition blues was after finishing my studies abroad in Madrid. Like a first heartbreak, it hit me the hardest. And while Madrid saw me at my best, my parents saw me at my snottiest — a not-so-pretty sight of tears and sniffles. But after that came the decision that I don’t want to have peaked at 21 in a time that everyone refers to as “not real life”.

In truth, the care-free Spanish style partying until morning when you have class … that same morning, is not exactly what I was aspiring for in my daily life. It was more about building a life with habits, friends and places where I wake up and go to bed every day, thinking: how great it is that I get to live this life. It was my first mind-shattering realisation that most people go with the flow just to live a perfectly average life. And it was my first chance to prove that I can live it differently.

Stage 2: A glimpse of a plan

When looking for the next step after closing a chapter, there are usually endless clock-ticking pressures: a mockingly empty bank account, boredom, and the pressure not to get left behind. Many will push you to do the next reasonably logical thing. I never thought of myself as a difficult child before this period. It wasn’t any partaking in drugs or unhealthy endeavours that kept my parents on their toes. It was the 50% logical, 50% radical decisions I would pursue to make sure that my life stays fulfilling. It was the only way for me to say goodbye to my past life with a new excitement for the next big thing.

It’s a mix of motivation and fear that makes you seem bipolar to others. This would be great, but what if it doesn’t work out? Those seemingly unrealistic plans became a tried and tested method for the trajectory of my life. Every time I upgrade and have to temporarily relive the transition phase of the unknown again, I get reminded with receipts of past life experiences that it does work out, just for me to have the audacity to expand my wish list once more. While it’s a mindset that comes with a lot of privilege, how many of us simply don’t pursue what we really want just because settling for what would make us content and safe is an easier, cheaper, and more socially accepted option?

Stage 3: Pursuing the Unknown

The issue with taking a different path from everyone you know is that you have little to no guarantee that it will work out. But there was once a wise person, and a TikTok post that quoted them, that said that the punishment of “knowing what you want to be is that you will inevitably become it”.

I never fully pursued one of these plans with a 10/10 vision of what exactly I want to do with it. I have a vague idea backed by research and a gut feeling that this will be a great jump for me. And whether it was the most fun I’ve ever had or the learning experience that led me to where I am today, I kept a flexible mind and body to let each decision leave its mark on me. Zero regrets in sight.